This article was originally published on ParentMood
Etsy Is For Homemade Things
When your child does something that makes you question why you keep them around when you could just sell them instead.
It took you nine months to make them; mark your prices accordingly.
"Sweetie, Hold My Hand Please"
Children can be so stubborn, sometimes, especially when they refuse to hold your hand in a crowded place.
Instead of cooperating, they decide to make you drag them by their hand as they continue to put up a fight.
Sweet, Sweet Silence
If your child threatens to not speak to you, you are probably giddy inside and hoping that they will go through with it.
"Oh no, what will I ever do if you don't speak to me??"
"I Told You To Pick It Up"
When your child falls over the toy you told them to pick up, and you have to hold in your laughter.
Sometimes the universe has a way of teaching children lessons for you.
Mom Or Human Snack-Holder?
Even Beyonce knows the struggle of having to constantly carry around snacks and juice for your child.
You could be going to the local mall or sitting front row at a fashion show, and you still need to be ready with food.
Don't Make Eye Contact
"You thought I was going to fall asleep, didn't you? Well, guess again, mom."
Try to look anywhere else while you are escaping from the room. They see you when they're sleeping.
The Struggle To Get A Nice Picture
A child will make any face they can instead of smiling for a picture.
It is a very rare occasion that you get a nice picture of your child where they are sitting still and smiling.
Is That Candy?!
"Who, who, who has candy?" It's like how sharks can smell a drop of blood from miles away; kids can hear candy wrappers from miles away.
When you have candy, your children believe they also have rights to that candy.
Motherhood Makes You Tired
Having kids is like doing a boot camp workout five times a day.
You gave them life, and they take all your energy, it's a take-take relationship.
"Fine, Don't Eat, See What Happens"
Mom, "What do you want for lunch?" Child, "Peanut butter and jelly." Ten minutes later, "No I don't want that anymore."
Internally struggling to either find something they will eat or letting them starve.
"I Want To Sleep Like My Husband"
Sleeping like a baby is waking up every few hours and crying. Who would want that?
Instead, you should wish to sleep like your husband, who is sleeping through all the middle of the night changings and feedings.
"MOMMMM"
The first time you hear your child say, mom, it is like a right of passage. You feel happy and grateful.
After a few years, you never want to hear someone say mom again.
When Will It End
"Have you ever had a dream that you, um, you had, your, you- you could, you’ll do, you- you want, you, you could do so, you- you’ll do, you could- you, you want, you want them to do you so much you could do anything?"- Your child
Internally screaming at the top of your lungs hoping they will shut up, but you also love them so you can't make it stop.
"What Do You Mean They Don't Make Noise Anymore?"
Whoever invented toys with annoying sounds wanted parents to be constantly annoyed.
If they are young enough, you can easily fool them by taking the batteries out and pretend it broke on its own.
No Pictures Please
Finding discrete ways to take pictures of your kids is an art form.
You have to double-check that your phone is on silent and the flash is off so they won't ruin the picture.
Remember That One Time?
The struggle of trying to find something your children will eat is so difficult.
The one time they all agree on something they like is a victory that deserves celebration.
Twins?!
Here is a shoutout to the mothers that have twins. Two babies at once is a ton of work.
Also, when you have twins you are constantly getting asked the strangest and most personal question.
The Forgotten Coffee
Some people would call this a case of "mommy brain," others would call it sleep deprivation.
Coffee becomes vital to your daily survival until you become immune to caffeine.
A Crying Time Bomb
You have to be extremely careful not to disturb the sleeping baby or else they will wake up and start screaming after you spent what felt like forever trying to get them to sleep.
Handle with care and if all else fails, run.
"I'm On The Edge"
This applies not only to motherhood but to so many other aspects of life.
This can apply to being a mom, dealing with annoying coworkers, or being a student during finals week.
Bend Your Knee
Why is it that babies and toddlers refuse to let you put on their clothes with ease.
Why can't they just make your life a little easier? WHY?
When Someone Asks If You Drink
Having more than two children is a reason to have a drink every night.
A glass of wine or a glass of vodka, you pick your poison.
Please Get Off
Why take your kids to the playground when they prefer to use you as a jungle gym.
Forget expensive playsets that you spend hours setting up; your children will find a way to make your body a place to climb and jump off of.
There Was Room For Both Of Them
When your child decides to sleep in your room and instead of lying the normal way, they lie down horizontal to take up maximum space.
There could have been room for everyone, but they decided to be selfish and ruin your sleep.
2007 Called, It Wants It's Wardrobe Back
Not only are none of your clothes in style anymore, but your body has also changed since you gave birth, and you don't fit in any of your cute clothes.
It is a great excuse to go and buy a whole new wardrobe though.
When They Change Their Likes And Dislike On A Daily Basis
Kids can never be simple when it comes to eating. You try to give them food and all of a sudden they don't like it anymore.
The frustration is real when you are trying to find food that they like.
Why Is She Crying
It's so nice to see how creative your children can be, until they draw you in an insulting way.
What did her mom do to be drawn so angry?
"My First Full Shower In Years"
Taking an uninterrupted shower as a mom is a rare pleasantry when you have children.
The second you get into the shower, someone happens to have an issue that can't wait for even a few minutes.
"What's In Your Mouth?"
Besides showers, your children also feel the need to bother you when you are taking a moment to enjoy a snack.
It is never when you are having something healthy. It is only when you are eating chocolate or other junk food that you said they couldn't eat.
Being A Mom Is Great
If you pretend to be in a coma, wouldn't that be considered sleeping?
Parents never get enough sleep, so even faking a coma wouldn't help.
Expectation Vs. Reality
Play in the snow, they said. It will be fun, they said. Heads up, never listen to them.
The snow is cold, and you will never have enough warm clothing to be resistant to the cold.
Well, He's Not Wrong
To be fair, if you didn't have children, you wouldn't be able to celebrate mother's day.
He obviously does not deserve a present, but you should give this child some credit for being clever.
Too Many Witnesses
When your kids embarrass you in public, and there is nothing you can do because too many people are around to judge you.
Just smile and try to laugh off the anger until you are home.
"I'm Freeee!!"
Ah, the feeling so sweet freedom. You feel blessed to have a moment of peace.
Enjoy every second because you never know when you will get a peaceful moment again.
Taking Phone Calls As A Mom
Having friends as a mom is difficult. You try to have phone calls but that is a struggle.
You say you will call Janice back, but she will be waiting a very long time for that returned phone call.
It Isn't Fair
"What do you mean the children don't have school on the weekends. This is my only day off."
Sometimes life with kids just isn't fair, but you still love them.
What Is Sleep
At some point in history, a scientist thought, let's see how long moms can function without sleep.
Apparently moms have superpowers and can function on little to no sleep.
I'm Fine, Everything's Fine
Not only can moms function on little to no sleep, but they can also fight through even the worst sickness to make sure their children eat.
Their child probably says they don't want to eat what they made after all that anyway.
"Please Just Go To Sleep"
Sleep deprivation is a real issue. Moms will know the struggle of trying to keep their kids awake, so they fall asleep at night.
It becomes a game of who can keep their child awake the longest.
That's A Lucky Cow
Getting alone time when you have a child is about as rare as a unicorn.
Maybe one day you will get to be the cow when they eventually go to college.
Laundry, Feed The Baby, Do The Dishes, Repeat
"So I wake up in the morning, feed the baby, play with the baby, do the laundry, do the dishes. Then I wake up the next day and do it all again. "
We like to call this the daily mom routine. It repeats until they can survive on their own.
"I'm In Danger"
When you know your child is about to be a nightmare and all you can think in your head is, "highway to the danger zone."
Everything is fine, but also you are afraid of your child at that moment.
"You Want To Know How The Kids Were?"
If your husband asks you this question on a day when the children were impossible, tell him, "I kept them alive."
Children can sometimes be the equivalent of dragons.
When You Work From Home
Having a child and trying to work from home are two things that don't go together.
They don't understand that you have things that need to get done.
Send Help
By the end of the day you just want to curl in a ball and cry, but your kids are already doing that.
They just aged you 30 years in one day.
A Win For Mom
It's the little victories that you can brag about. Getting all of your children to bed on your own and on time is a huge win.
You may have had to deal with kicking and screaming, but it is still an accomplishment.
DIY Haircuts
Step one: get a bowl. Step two: put it on your child's head. Step Three: Start cutting their hair.
Step four: pray that they don't look back on this time and wonder if you hated them.